


Toxic

by AmazingNicola



Series: Realistic Phanfictions [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Cheating, M/M, Post-Break Up, Sad, as always, not named after the song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-10 15:24:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3295343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmazingNicola/pseuds/AmazingNicola
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan was always told that life had its ups and downs; well he has been waiting for an up for quite a while now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Toxic

**Author's Note:**

> I hate when fanfiction is very unrealistic, so I wrote this.   
> If you see any grammar or spelling errors please just tell me and I will correct them as I wrote this in an hour so there probably is some.

Dan was always told that life had its ups and downs; well he has been waiting for an up for quite a while now. He could tell you the day when it headed down actually. The 5th of April 2013. That date made him shiver; he was so oblivious that morning when he woke up. In hindsight he wishes he’d never got up that morning, if he didn’t get up he wouldn’t have seen him boyfriend pushing another guy out their front door. He wouldn’t have seen Phil catch his eye and freeze. He wouldn’t have seen the other guy smirk at Dan as he left like he knew what was happening. He wouldn’t have seen Phil try to correct his mistakes. Phil claimed it was a one night thing, that he got so drunk that he forgot everything, not that Dan believed him. Just one look at Phil told Dan that Phil was lying. You see the problem with trying to lie to someone who has seen you every day for 4 years is that they know everything about you, including what to spot when the other person is lying. And Dan knew Phil was lying, the way his voice lowered slightly and he started fiddling with the pyjama bottoms showed Dan he was lying. Dan told him to leave and never come back, he didn’t mean it but it was the right thing to do. He knew that Phil had been with that other guy for a long time and that hurt. A lot.

And here he is, 2 years later, 5th of April 2015. He kind of wishes Phil will reappear at his door, begging for forgiveness, not that he would give it him, well maybe he would. He would never trust Phil the same no matter what he said. Phil could come back and propose to him, right on his doorstep and Dan would probably reject him, well that’s what he wants to believe would happen. Dan knows that Phil could turn up with a bunch of dead lilies and ask Dan to stop being stupid and let him back in and Dan would say OK. Not that he wants to believe that, he knows he’s still in love with Phil, but he knows that Phil is toxic. Phil is bad news. That innocent vibe is false, he isn’t innocent at all. He broke Dan, and Dan hopes Phil knows that.

Dan shouldn’t really be watching Phil’s videos anymore; maybe if he stops watching them he would stop spending every waking minute waiting for Phil to ring that door bell. The problem is that Dan doesn’t want to stop loving Phil, he knows they are meant to be together, it’s just taking Phil a bit longer to realise this as well. Can’t Phil just turn up? He didn’t move house for that reason, moving would probably be a good idea. How would Phil find him again when he decided that he needed Dan if he moved?

Sunday. Phil’s upload day. Finally. This is the day Dan waits for, he isn’t subscribed to Phil anymore, he doesn’t want to look desperate.  But he still checks, 9pm on a Sunday night to find out what is happening in his life. If he is happy. Whether he misses Dan or not. He remembers the comment just after the event asking when he was, people desperate to find out why Phil now lived in a different place. Desperate to know why Dan had deleted his channel and all his other social medias. Phil never replied though, and after a while people stopped asking, shows how much they ever cared about Dan. Not one bit. They were just asking to be nice at the beginning but after a while they stopped because they didn’t care. Well that’s the only logical explanation in Dan’s mind. It must be true.

Dan refreshed the page again and the video appeared. ‘I made a mistake.’ Dan gulped. Has Phil made another mistake or is he talking about Dan? It’s probably clickbait, probably nothing to do with him. Why would it be? But Dan clicks it anyway.

“Hey guys.” Dan notes the lack of enthusiasm in Phil’s voice, guess it wasn’t clickbait then. “I made a mistake. A mistake that cost me the most important person in my life. On the 5th of April 2013 you may remember me uploading a video where I told you I was taking a break, well here’s the reason why I took this break. You guys remember Dan right? I don’t know if any of will. Danisnotonfire. I certainly remember him. I could describe every feature on his body from memory, from his dimple to the weird bit of hair that sticks up when he hasn’t washed his hair in a while. On the 5th of April I cheated on him, I slept with a guy. I’m not going to say that I didn’t mean it. That I was drunk. Because honestly I wasn’t. In fact I had been sleeping with that guy for 5 months. That was just the day Dan found out. He walked out his bedroom door to find me pushing him through the front door. And I regret it. So Dan? If you see this, give me a second chance, please baby. You are my everything. Baby let me back in the door. I’m outside.”

The video cuts out. Looking at the comment Dan finds comments trying to think of ways to get to Dan, asking for his address, his number. Anyway of helping Phil get to Dan. Were people that obsessed with Phil that they were willing to overlook the fact that Phil had cheated on his boyfriend for 5 months? Apparently.

But then the last sentence properly sunk in. Phil was outside his door. Does he go and open it? He probably should. But what to say? Thoughts flew round Dan’s head, circling and spiralling sending his brain into overdrive. After sitting there for ten minutes Dan got up and went to the door. Slowly he open it. Stood on the other side was Phil. Beautiful Phil. Phil looked up at Dan and caught his eye. Dan quickly looked away, he knew looking into those eyes for more than a second would send him into a trance and he would take him back. He knew what he needed to do.

“Dan I-ˮ Dan cut him off by punching him in the jaw.

“Ok I guess I deserved that.” Phil stated. “But let me explain”

“No Phil, I won’t. A year ago if you had come back trying to explain then I would have listened to you. Hell even a couple of days ago I would have. But now Phil, now ‘baby’, now I won’t. Two years I’ve waited for you to come back. Two years I’ve watched you happy and innocent in your videos knowing full well you aren’t. You’re toxic Phil. I hope you know that. Leave please. And never come back. I never want to see your face again. This isn’t some cheesy love story where I take you back and we live in peace. Please Phil. I can’t see you. In ten seconds I’m going to look up and if you are still in front of me you may need to get your phone out ready to call an ambulance.”

Dan kept looking down, but he heard know movement.

“One. Two. Three” He heard movement. “Four. Five. Six” Dan felt Phil ghost his hand down his cheek. “You might not want to do that again. Seven.” Phil pressed a kiss to Dan’s cheek. “Eight. Nine.” Dan heard movement again. “Ten.” And Dan looked up to see Phil gone. He closed the door and slid down it. Sniffing he took out his phone. Going onto Phil’s channel again he found that the video had disappeared. He refreshed again and an error appeared. This URL doesn’t exist. Gone. He checked Phil’s Twitter to find a tweet. ‘I guess you win some and you lose some. Today I lost. I love you’. He refreshed the page again to find the same thing. This URL doesn’t exist. He checked for all of Phil’s other websites. All gone. Every single one. It was then that Dan realised what he’d done. When he said that he didn’t want to see Phil’s face again Phil had taken him literally. Phil had deleted everything. Every memory and photo that Dan could use to relate to Phil.

Dan didn’t know how to feel. His brain told him to be happy; he would never see the man who broke him again. But his heart told him to be sad; because he knew he still loved him, he probably always would. And he would never get the chance to love him properly again. Phil was toxic and Dan knew it, the problem was that Dan loved the thrill, the risk. He had made the biggest mistake yet the best choice of his life. Phil was toxic. But Dan would happily drink the poison any day.


End file.
